Designer Jokes

What’s the difference between a designer and a hooker?
• None. They both get screwed by their clients.
• Clothing.
• A hooker doesn’t try to find a way for a job to take longer.
• For a designer, PMS is not an occupational hazard.
• Nothing. The client inevitably fucks them both.
• Designers and hookers aren’t different; both of their clients can be a pain in the ass.
• A designer gets paid for layouts, a hooker gets laid for payouts.
• Nothing. They’ll both do a quickie, overnight.
• Both are highly paid for feigning enthusiasm and getting fucked.


How many designers does it take to change a light bulb?
• Couldn't say… ask an account executive.
• Does it have to be a light bulb?
• No time to change the lightbulb, just make it look better.
• Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks
How many photographers does it take to change a lightbulb?
• Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine others to say “I could’ve done that.”


How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
• I don’t know, what do you think?


How many copywriters does it take to change a lightbulb?
• I don’t care, I’m not changing another damn thing!


How many web designers does it take to change a lightbulb?
• Three. One to change the structure, one to update the style, and one to blog about the inadequate bulb support offered by today’s socket manufacturers.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Whenever I am working on an expensive, large quantity print job, I always get price quotes from three different printers. But I can only award one, usually the lowest, with the job. So, very much like a threesome, someone always gets left out.

Telling a printer that you aren't going to go with them is very much like breaking up with someone. Example: This was my phone conversation today with the printer who didn't get the job. (I have changed the names of the people involved to protect their anonymity.)

(Rrrrrriiiinnnggggggg)

Me: Hello?

Allen: Hey, hey Casey! It's Allen. I know we haven't spoken to each in a while, but I was hoping we could continue moving forward with that 12-page, full color brochure.

Me: Well Allen, we actually allready had that brochure printed by someone else.

Allen: (silence)

Me: Allen?

Allen: Oh. Well. Huh, I guess that's that. Can I at least ask why?

Me: Another printer came in with a lower bid and ...

Allen: I mean come on! We give you the lowest quotes possible and do great quality work. You'd be lucky if we printed your job!

Me: I know Allen. I know.

Allen: Damn right! So, who are you printing with now?

Me: Allen, why are you doing this?

Allen: Because. Because I want to know.

Me: We went with Widgetron Printing.

Allen: Widgetron?! Well, I guess if you like pixelated images and misaligned pages then that was a good choice. Whatever. It's your portfolio.

Me: That's not fair.

Allen: (sniff-sniff)

Me: Hey, cheer up. We have a bunch of new projects coming up and ...

(Man walks in to Casey's office)

Stan: Hi Casey, your proof is ready.

Allen: Who is that?! Is that Stan Peedman? It sounds like Stan Peedman from Square printing. My God, who aren't you printing with?

Me: Wow. This is awkward.

(Click)

4 More Years of Lush Ladies

My big sis and her friends are fighting for the title of St. Louis Post-Dispatch 20-Buck bar review columnists. And she needs votes. Please follow the directions below to vote for her:

Step 1: Go to www.stltoday.com/entertainment/bars

Step 2: Click on the red "more" link

Step 3: Vote for the LUSH LADIES in the section on the right, where it says Meet the Teams and Vote

Vote early and vote often.